im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
