wanna go halves on a baby?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
