I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
