Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize