i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
