My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
