my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize