she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
