take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
