Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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