I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
