i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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