I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
