Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
