Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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