I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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