I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
