I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
