I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
