I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize