Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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