She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
