why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
