that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
