i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
