did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
