I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
