we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
