I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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