I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Also, beer. Big fan.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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