they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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