This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
