i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize