I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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