I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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