if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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