i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
