don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
