Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
