When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
