You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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