Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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