You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
