Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
