How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
