how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Randomize
