I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
