Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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