using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
