she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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