Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
