no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
