I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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