i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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