I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
