apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
