Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
