That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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