He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
do herpes really smell.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize