If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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