sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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