sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
