As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize