U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
