i just wanna soil my oats bro
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
