i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
At least life still wants to fuck me.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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