I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
