3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
