apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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