Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
