So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
