My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
