Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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