New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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