He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
