when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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