I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
