Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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