i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
