he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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