What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
