he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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