Your dad touched me again.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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