Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize