the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
