i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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