we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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