Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
