She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
