I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
