They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize