New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I touched a dick in church today
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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